Confession and Conversion- Feast of the Conversion of St. Paul the Apostle

Reading 1
Acts 22:3-16
Responsorial Psalm
Ps 117:1bc, 2

Gospel
Mk 16:15-18

"When was the last time you went to confession?" This was the question of my companion before we celebrated the Mass yesterday. I blushed and told him more than three months already because I cannot express yet in Italian. He said I must go once a month. I just smiled, and without any plan, I ended up going to confession at the end of the day.

The Lord reminded me in the morning through my companion the importance of confession. Sacrament of Reconciliation is not only for those who committed mortal sins, or for those who are in danger of death, but for all the faithful who are serious to grow in their Christian life. I will not discuss about doctrines and dogmas here, but a simple sharing of my own experience.

Yesterday, together with a friend, I went to Assisi. It is the place of St. Francis and St. Claire. It is also the place where, St. Gabriel of the Sorrowful Mother was baptized. That made me excited. We were blessed with a beautiful day. There were no heating rays of the sun, for the forecast said it was going to rain. Yet, we ended the day without using our umbrella as well. We were able to walk around Assisi with leisure. However, what struck me happened at the last Church we visited. I saw something written in a bond paper—the words, "Italiano and English". I saw that when we were about to leave the Minor Basilica of St. Mary of the Angels. It was hanging outside of the confessional box. Seeing it brought me back to what my companion asked me in the morning. Language is not a hindrance anymore that time. So I told my friend that I need to go to confession. He agreed and waited for me.

I entered the confessional box after 20 minutes of waiting. Nothing spectacular happened. In fact, at one point I was alarmed when the priest stopped at middle of absolution. I realized that he forgot the words for he repeated it several times to no avail. He tried to translate his Italian absolution into English in a low voice without success. Finally, what he did was to skip some of the words and said the last part of absolution in English. Was it valid? Well, ask the canon lawyers.

The confession was simple. First I asked the blessings of the priest for I have sinned. I confessed my sins. He gave me some advice. He asked me to say my act of contrition. He said the penance and then the absolution. He blessed me and I said thank you. Is that all there is in the Sacrament of Reconciliation? I don't think so. Before I entered, I have the time to examine myself.

We know that even if we do not have mortal sins, there are still many things that we need to change. I saw many things in myself. I was made aware of the things which I thought was just okay but after looking at them deeply, they were not really okay. Sometimes, they are very much a part of ourselves and how we define ourselves. Sometimes I escape by saying this is what God gives me. This is the personality that he gives me. This is the orientation that he gives me. This is the character that he gives me. I seemed to forget that there is a word conversion. Conversion is the process of changing our preconceived ideas of ourselves into that which is pleasing to God. We cannot stop by staying who we are when we know very well we are hurting other people and we are hurting ourselves as well. All are capable of conversion, but not all are willing to do this. We are very much comfortable with what we think of ourselves. We forget that we are made in the image and likeness of God. Any character, personality, orientation, and the like which may not be manifesting the image and likeness of God is falsehood. When Jesus said, be perfect for your Father in heaven is perfect, he does not mean we can be perfect on this earth. Rather, it is a challenge to always convert ourselves into the image and likeness of God. We were created for that purpose hence the struggle of human beings is to freely allow this conversion to happen. We are all journeying towards perfection. The good thing is we will never stop until we die. We will always see something to improve. By doing this we are increasing the standard of human behavior. We are making the love of God engulf the whole world through our lives. Only God knows how much we allow ourselves to be converted. Let's take a look at what happened to St. Paul.

In our first reading, it was so clear that Paul has already defined who he was.

Paul addressed the people in these words:
"I am a Jew, born in Tarsus in Cilicia,
but brought up in this city.
At the feet of Gamaliel I was educated strictly in our ancestral law
and was zealous for God, just as all of you are today.
I persecuted this Way to death,
binding both men and women and delivering them to prison.
Even the high priest and the whole council of elders
can testify on my behalf.
For from them I even received letters to the brothers
and set out for Damascus to bring back to Jerusalem
in chains for punishment those there as well.

However, something happened…

"On that journey as I drew near to Damascus,
about noon a great light from the sky suddenly shone around me.
I fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to me,
'Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?'
I replied, 'Who are you, sir?'
And he said to me,
'I am Jesus the Nazorean whom you are persecuting.'
My companions saw the light
but did not hear the voice of the one who spoke to me.

…. Paul allowed himself to be converted when he asked…

I asked, 'What shall I do, sir?'
The Lord answered me, 'Get up and go into Damascus,
and there you will be told about everything
appointed for you to do.'

When the light of truth strike us we realize our falsehood, we recognized our being blind, and we need others to help us.

Since I could see nothing because of the brightness of that light,
I was led by hand by my companions and entered Damascus.

When we recognize and allow the Lord's power to work in our life, he will not only tell us what to do, but he will define us, as to what he did to Paul…

"A certain Ananias, a devout observer of the law,
and highly spoken of by all the Jews who lived there,
came to me and stood there and said,
'Saul, my brother, regain your sight.'
And at that very moment I regained my sight and saw him.
Then he said,
'The God of our ancestors designated you to know his will,
to see the Righteous One, and to hear the sound of his voice;
for you will be his witness before all
to what you have seen and heard.
Now, why delay?
Get up and have yourself baptized and your sins washed away,
calling upon his name.'"

Paul was asked to be Christ's witness before all. Conversion happened from Paul's definition of himself to how God wants to define him. From being the persecutor of Christ, he became the witness of Christ.

Confession, I believe, is more of converting us into what God wants us to be. Yes, we can do it alone. But we know Paul did not do it alone. I believe there is more deceit in doing it alone than being able to say it to another person. The strength of Alcoholic Anonymous THE TWELVE STEPS OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, is the recognition that a process of healing is faster and effective when it is with other persons. There are things that we can be autonomous, but there are things that we need to help one another. Jesus asked Paul to go to another person. He was asked to go to Ananias, a devout observer of the law.

Confession is a sacrament of God's continues invitation to make us whole through his mercy, love and justice. God is not lacking of any reminders. We will always confront people (for me the priest in the morning), events (visiting churches), things (the bond paper outside the confessional box) and many more. I know that going to confession is not as popular now as before. But I still believe it is still a fountain of grace for those who wanted to be converted.

As we remember St. Paul the Apostle, we may always be reminded of his conversion, as an invitation for us to be converted as well every day. We may do this by examining ourselves regularly before going to confession. Our goal is to manifest in our life the image and likeness of God. I would like to ask you also. "When was the last time you go to confession?" I hope you are not blushing.